Today’s post is all about self-esteem, the misuse of the…
If anyone is still out there reading my posts, you may have wondered, “Whatever happened to Katerina Simms?” I’m back today to say, “I’m here. I’m still alive…But I’ve been distracted. Very distracted!”
Rather than write a long diatribe about where I’ve been, I’m just going to save us all a bunch of time and write a list as follows:
In the last year and a half (since I went M.I.A), I’ve…
- Had a baby, who hated sleep and therefore murdered my brain!
- *Note: Extreme sleep deprivation is not conducive of blogging.
- Moved house and suburbs.
- Had two key people in family die, my dad included. Ouch!
- Had very little time for social media, especially since my handsy toddler likes to snatch my phone!
BUT, I have:
- Completed a full-length novel AND had it professionally edited…
- Don’t ask me how I did this. I barely remember. There’s a whole year that’s mostly blank because… sleep deprivation….Crazy… Savage… Sleep deprivation…
- *However… my editor did say this book is a ‘page turner’. So it seems sleep deprivation IS conducive of half-decent books. Go figure!
- I’ve also started writing a new manuscript, which I hope to complete by mid-year.
I don’t plan on releasing any full-length novels until the drama of having a second baby is over. No, I’m not pregnant again yet, I’m just saying…
I do hope to continue to interact with my followers online AND release some free short stories here and there in the meantime. So if you haven’t already, please signup to my newsletter. I’ll send some copies out to current subscribers, as well as new.
BUT… And I have to say this:
The biggest reason I’ve been quiet is motherhood has changed me. For a long time there I felt very lost and didn’t know what to post.
Heck, I still don’t quite know what I’m going to say, only that a new Katerina Simms is likely to emerge.
“Motherhood can feel like the disintegration of the self, after which the original form is quite gone. Sarah Manguso calls it the grand shattering, and I think that’s just about perfect. You spend so many years creating who you are and then kids come along and burn it down…” Jess de Campo
The things I used to find interesting don’t interest me anymore. My body, and even my face, have changed, which takes some getting use to. This also means I’m less inclined to take photos of myself, much less post them. It’s not so much I’ve lost confidence, or that the changes are even THAT dramatic; but I am trying to relearn who I am on so many levels. And posting selfies just isn’t that appealing right now.
What I am trying to do is to return. To my online presence. To a little corner I carved out for myself some time ago. To something I genuinely enjoy.
Because I like interacting with people.
Because I want to have back this little world I’d created.
I’m doing this with an open heart, knowing I’m different and very very tired.
I want to, in someway, reconnect with the writer, who, for a time there had the most upvoted post on Quora, blog posts that ranked at the top of Google, and posts that connected me with people different to myself.
Just like the quote above states, now that everything is so utterly different, I hope that my followers old and new will accept the changing ‘me’ and stop by to say ‘Hello’ once in a while. 🙂
Love and Hugs,
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